Doula Chronicles Blog

Me, outardly: “Ok. I’ll just let her walk out here and tell you what she’s feeling.”

The nurse and the motherfu…*ahem*…excuse me.

The nurse and the gentleman on the anesthesia team sitting right next to her rush into the room and see her moving to sit up on the side of the bed.

The nurse says to me, “Oh you meant literally.”

It’s no secret that sometimes our birth experiences mimic that of our mother, grandmother, so on and so forth so for her to make it past her mom’s pattern made me happy but I was still a bit on edge.

Time goes on and I start recognizing that my spirit was telling me that she was going to make it to full term but not 40 weeks.

I kept feeling 37 weeks and I don’t remember exactly what was said but her doctor said something similar.

She felt like she’d come on Father’s Day!

Fast Forward To Due Week.

Let me start by saying that we never really know what the body is going to do after the first baby.

Sometimes it goes incredibly fast and sometimes it’s what I like to call a crockpot birth, meaning it’s just low and slow.

Well, we reached due date and baby girl still was here yet but she already had considerable dilation and effacement and baby was a little low soooooooo

I hoped she knew that she could lean on me.

I checked on her the next day just to see if she’d allowed herself to break and as I suspected, she hadn’t.

We do her birth and postpartum planning visit and unfortunately had to do her labor prep visit virtually so the first time I met her in person was at her birth.

During her planning visit the wall came all the way down so I got to see her in a more vulnerable space.

She shed some thug tears but not for long. 😂

Quick Aside: One of the nurses was telling him he should take his shirt off and do skin to skin In the OR but she said it in a very flirtatious manner.

I told him “Look, we not giving these folks no free show! You collect that money up front before you show anything, clear?” 😂😂😂

That’s truly the type of relationship that was built.

Back to birth day.

Her water breaks around 4am but only mild contractions.

Yay because we bypass the induction but eh because at the most recent appointment the cervix wasn’t favorable for birth (still relatively closed and thick).

When the water breaks that makes contractions far more intense and that’s good…when you’re in active labor, at least 5cm or more and 60% or more thin.

Her cervix was nowhere near that and here we are with ruptured membranes barely any contractions.

I’m hoping baby will just do her big one, descend and she can get some relief.

I get picture mail of mucus and I’m like YES! She’s about to get some relief!

Later that day I get a call and she tells me her water has broken!

I’m literally on go mode because this is happening!

I make it to the hospital around 2am or so.

She’s experiencing contractions and the ball is truly rolling but my homegirl can’t relax!

It pains me to see it but like most things, it gets done by any means necessary.

It hurts to see the lack of intimacy during pregnancy, the lack of support during birth and pure abandonment during the postpartum period.

The blatant disrespect and disregard is maddening but all I can do is listen, hand tissues and pray.

My counter pressure was no longer working and when that happens, a baby is surely coming sooner rather than later!

She told us that she needed to push and her doctor wanted to check her.

We got her on her side and lifted her right leg and all that did was make space for that baby to come out! 😂

She kept saying “I can’t stop it!”

Her doctor and I told her that it was ok and if she needed to keep pushing she could.

Baby was crowning quickly and her doctor barely had time to gown up before Lil baby came flying out!

A few hours later she was measured at 5cm.

In my mind, the ball is rolling but strangely mama Is not feeling a single contraction. 🤔

And she’s on Pitocin.

Weird, right?

Mm hm. Weird as hell.

Some hours later the doc on call comes in to check progress.

She says “ I don’t know who called you 5. You’re a tight 2.”

A silently loud WTF fell over the room.

Over time our conversations got more and more candid.

Eventually we didn’t need weekly check ins but bi-weekly to monthly and then just as we thought about each other and wanted to share life updates.

Fast forward to 2022.

We’re still keeping in contact but she shares with me that she’s pregnant and I’m immediately excited.

his doesn’t make a lick of sense to me but I’m rolling with it. Logically, she should be further dilated if she’s 100% effaced but again, I’m rolling with it and I created a circuit to get the baby out of there.

Over 24 hours in, still doing all the things; this position, that position, this way and that way and still made very little progress in dilation.

Hour 36 and my client decides that she wants the pain to end; she gets an epidural. She felt like she caved because her plan was an unmedicated vaginal birth. I remind her that it’s okay to pivot and she could still have a vaginal birth. The epidural is administered, her catheter inserted and she was able to rest but only for so long. The catheter is hurting her terribly.

Sidebar: When I’m supposed to do or say something, it feels like someone or a stack of bricks are just on my chest and once it’s done or said, I feel much better.

I got a text maybe a day or so later saying “Hey. I got an email that a payment was made on my account and it wasn’t me.”

I let her know that it was me and we had a little moment and we moved on.

Fast forward to the New Year.

During the process of “dating” your doula/midwife/OB/NP you should be as transparent as possible about anything that may effect your pregnancy or your response to or coping methods with labor, birth and the postpartum period.

Bottom Line: Neither party can force the pieces of the puzzle. The labor and birthing space is far too sacred to have someone in the space you don’t fully trust or to be in a space where you aren’t fully trusted. Don’t force it!

Part of that comes with reframing their thoughts about and actions during pregnancy, labor and birth.

Instead of pain, it’s discomfort.

Instead of yelling, low, deep groans (unless you just need to yell).

Instead of contractions, they are waves or surges.

Most people have the desire to reframe but actually doing it doesn’t come naturally.

I always say that your physical environment and your mental state are one and the same.

Taking that statement into consideration, go with me for a moment.

Be mindful of who and what you allow in your birthing space.

39 weeks comes: I was sure he’d at least start trying to make his way earth side though I know how this goes. Babies, regardless of it being the first or the 5th, come when they damn well please. Baby is high!

Still no baby but mom was in good spirits.

40 weeks comes: I’m like this HAS to be the week. Nope! Baby is still high!

40 weeks + 6 days: mom goes in for induction everything goes pretty smoothly.

41 weeks (The next day): We got serious action! I get a text “Don’t kill me friend.”

It’s when you know your work is not in vain.

It’s when you know that you’re doing it right.

Now, let me be clear: I’ve experienced this several times but as of late, I’ve been able to truly tune into the birthing atmosphere and observe.