You Can Lean On Me

Per usual, I’ll try to keep this brief but don’t hold me to it.

We met on a doula-client matching site.

We spoke on the phone the same day because we had a pretty short window as she was almost 8mos pregnant or just a little over 8mos pregnant.

I could hear in her ‘Hello’ that she needed support but I let the conversation play out a bit more.

The more she talked I could hear how anxious she was and that she’d not taken the time to sit in her pregnancy and process it.

Y’all know my spirit be talking so I had to interrupt her and tell her to take a breath and cry If she needed to because she just felt and sounded so heavy.

Like she was carrying so much on her shoulders and in her heart.

She didn’t cry but her voice broke a bit and she let down her wall a little bit too.

She was still working so she wasn’t able to be completely vulnerable but I took what she gave.

Our phone call ended and I immediately prayed for her peace because my girl was weighing real heavy on my heart.

I hoped she knew that she could lean on me.

I checked on her the next day just to see if she’d allowed herself to break and as I suspected, she hadn’t.

We do her birth and postpartum planning visit and unfortunately had to do her labor prep visit virtually so the first time I met her in person was at her birth.

During her planning visit the wall came all the way down so I got to see her in a more vulnerable space.

She shed some thug tears but not for long. 😂

It was good to peel back the layers though.

Every time we talked she made my heart ache and I just wanted to hug her.

Like one of those sisterly kinda hugs.

We do labor prep virtually because I had to go to a funeral the same day her visit was scheduled for.

We talk about her induction, if she was comfortable with it and what it would look like and so forth.

Fast forward to induction day.

She goes in that night, labor gets poppin the next day.

I leave one birth in West Bumblefuck (Talladega, AL, actually) and get to her in the afternoon.

My mission was simply to get there to support her because I knew that she needed me and I wanted to be there for her and with her.

I arrive just after she gets her epidural and I walked in saying “Hi, sweet pea!”

She’s a few years older than me but I felt like the big sister in that moment.

We talk through all the stats leading up to her epidural and I encourage her to rest.

She doesn’t get much rest because her epidural was wearing off quickly.

I thought maybe it’s because she metabolizes drugs fast; we’d talked about that.

But something was off.

She’d been re-dosed at least 4 times and it kept wearing off every time.

There was a time when the discomfort was getting the best of her and she cried.

I took a cold rag and did my best to keep her cool.

At one point I held her chin in my hand and she rested there and just cried.

The nonverbal communication was real and she knew, at least I felt like she knew, that she could truly lean on and trust me.

Eventually she ended up getting her epidural replaced and that was the fix.

Within an hour after the replacement baby girl was born.

Her husband stayed with her just like before.

I needed to head home really quickly but I left my wallet in the room so I couldn’t even leave the parking garage and I wasn’t about to walk that country mile back to the room to get it and back to the parking garage so I just got some fresh air.

I now know that the reason I left my wallet was God because had I left I would’ve missed her birth.

God be God’n don’t He?!

She pushed beautifully; less than 30 minutes, actually. And I’m being generous with that 30 minutes.

I’ll be honest; I had to move away from her bedside because I needed to cry and I didn’t want to mess up her happy moment with my tears.

My prayer that she birthed vaginally and without complication was answered.

I don’t know what her prayer was but I’m certain it was the parallel.

I needed to cry because I could still feel the heaviness she was carrying when we first spoke and I didn’t know how to ease that AND the immense discomforts of labor so I focused on the labor.

There were moments when, in my mind, it was just the two of us in the room because Sweet Pea needed me and I had her back just as I said I would.

A beautiful birth indeed!

To My Sweet Pea: I’m so, so, SO proud of you! You pushed yourself beyond your limits and birthed a beautiful baby girl! I know you’ll be an amazing mom because of how you take things in stride and adjust as needed. That’s the athlete in you! It has been an honor to be on this journey with you and I look forward to seeing you blossom more and more. We’ve only had a short time of knowing each other but you’re stuck with me now! 😜 Your strength and fearlessness are truly admirable. Never doubt your ability to get through anything, Sweet Pea. Never doubt it.

Love You Real Big,

Aeryka💜🤍🩵